Here's some of the best advice I've been given that I use with my clients to help them. Hope it helps you, too!
Top Three Tips
You're not alone. Ask for help.
This is a big one. Especially for women. Somehow over the years, we have been portrayed as these superheroes who must do it ALL. And in attempting to do it all, we have felt like we are not accomplishing anything, like our purpose is not being realized, and like we will never have the time or energy to actually do what matters.
We feel all alone in those untrue beliefs and think we are the only ones struggling. Struggling with a constant need to lose weight or look the way we think we should. Stuck doing things for everyone else and letting our own care slide. Stuck in jobs and relationships that suck the ever-living breath out of us.
Sometimes when we are in this space, it's hard to see the forest for the trees. We are too close to our own lives to see what is going awry that is holding us back from the life we desire. We feel powerless to change.
That's where help and support are so desperately needed. But we don't ask for it for several reasons.
First, it seems there is always something to be done for others and we put off anything for ourselves til last.
Second, we feel silly, like surely we are the only ones who feel this way. For example, Suzy Q obviously has it all together, I mean just look at her!
And third, we don't invest in ourselves. We have ourselves convinced that what we need isn't worth the money or the money should go toward XYZ.
Fourth, we don't know where to turn or who to ask, so we procrastinate doing anything about it, which anchors in that feeling of being stuck.
Any of those sound familiar? YOU ARE NOT ALONE. So many women who come to me feel the same way, and so did I.
So now I get to help women not make the same mistakes I made, suffering in silence, afraid to make a fool of myself. We are all in the same boat, love. Even Suzy Q. If you feel this way, please, let's chat!
2. Observe yourself without judging.
We are the queens of picking ourselves apart. The things we say to ourselves would make our hearts ache if we heard them said to someone else, but we say them to ourselves over and over.
We are constantly comparing ourselves to other women, whom we perceive to have it all together, who eat whatever they want and stay thin, who are so organized, and their kids have turned out so well. We look at another woman's highlight reel and imagine her life is all rainbows and unicorns. Then we hold ourselves to this impossible standard and compare.
A kinder and more self-loving way to live is to observe our thoughts and actions as if we are watching a movie. We can notice up close what is making us feel the way we want to feel and what actions are causing the inner mean girl to lash out. We can see what is working and what isn't.
When we can observe in this way, without judging, we can be more objective and make more loving decisions for ourselves instead of reacting to the barrage of criticism from within.
When we are kinder to ourselves, we not only judge ourselves less harshly, but we are kinder to others. Our relationship with ourselves flourishes and our relationships with others are improved.
3. Pattern Disruption is a Way to Take Radical Responsibility
In my programs, we often start with digging into where the thoughts and feelings that are holding us back come from. We go into childhood, and past experiences, and see whose beliefs we have taken on as truth. We dive pretty deep.
It's one thing to know where the behavior originates and start to unravel it. The next step, however, is to decide what we, as evolved adults, want to believe and how we want to feel.
In order to do that, we have to step out of victim mode, (blaming others for how we feel), and step into radical responsibility for creating the life we want.
One great way to think about this is to take the patterns we have observed in ourselves and see which are working and which aren't. Then we can take the ones that aren't, and tweak them.
I'm a big believer in baby steps taking us toward sustainable transformation, so I suggest working with one pattern at a time. We take that pattern and think about what we would usually do (which is the action that is yielding the results we don't want). Then we think about how we'd rather feel and take one tiny, micro-action toward that feeling.
For example, if we've been putting on pounds and we have been really enjoying a giant cereal bowl of ice cream every night, and we believe in our heart of hearts we cannot and will not be happy if we have to give up ice cream...but we also acknowledge that it is yielding results out of alignment with where we want to go, we can disrupt the pattern.
If the pattern is having a giant bowl of ice cream every night and we are feeling stuck because we believe it is bringing us pleasure, but somewhere inside we are feeling bad about ourselves when we eat it, and it is causing us to be unhappy with the way our body is reacting, we can take responsibility by maybe eating a smaller bowl of ice cream. Allowing our bodies to take pleasure AND responsibility for the outcome.
What often ends up happening, is once we convince ourselves we can have ice cream and have ice cream every night, that nobody can take that away from us, and that we have control over how much and how often we consume the ice cream, the charge is taken away and we find maybe we don't even need the ice cream every night. In fact, it may not even sound that good most nights. We may even start noticing we aren't really that hungry at that hour.
The pattern has been disrupted.
Why We Avoid Pattern Disruption
Our brains are wired to keep everything the same. Change seems dangerous, so we are hard-wired to stay in our comfort zone. It takes some doing to convince our brains that change is not only ok but welcomed.
When we become aware of and disrupt our patterns, it is confronting. This is how we have been taught to do things, sometimes from back when we were kids, and it is how society, our families, and everyone in the world says it should be done. It may be the only way we can see things being done because it has been our habit for so long.
When we can empower ourselves to choose differently, and see the change or disruption as a choice of our own making, we get to experience real freedom.
For Many of Us, Freedom Starts Here
The most universally needed pattern that I have seen emerge in my work is that of creating beliefs about our worth based on how our bodies look.
It has inspired me to create a new program that allows women to transform from the inside out. Looking at those patterns that keep us stuck, and where they come from, taking micro-actions to choose differently so we can trust ourselves again, and then taking radical responsibility for our results.
We are cracking open the idea that dieting and weight loss are a way to be a better person. We are taking back the time and energy we used to spend on calorie counting and punishing workouts, and putting it toward stuff that matters. We are cracking ourselves open and choosing to better ourselves, on all levels, so that weight loss is a happy side effect.
Why? Because we have the power to choose differently. We have the power to choose to stop being distracted by dieting, live our best lives and still lose weight. We have the power to focus on expanding our lives instead of shrinking our waistlines. We have the power to resist society's hold on us to keep us distracted and playing small.
Are you ready to join this movement? To stand up and choose differently for yourself, and the women in your circle of influence?
Join us here for a 12-week transformation with lifelong results. Get off the diet hamster wheel for good and live the life you want to live, without distractions. I've got you.
Comentarios